Dear Reader,
I'm back on a full-time working schedule again after a two month re-orientation. I'm feeling good and no longer waking up with a sense of dread. Every day is a struggle of some kind; focusing is hard, time management is a laugh, sitting in front of a computer for extended periods is surprisingly very hard on my body. Listening and processing and remembering information is the real challenge, but it is slowly getting better. My job requires a lot of reading and self-discipline which is difficult for someone who's been asleep for most of two years.
It is getting better.
Although, there have been days where I feel like I've fallen off the cart onto my face. I'm constantly needing to remind myself to adjust my expectations. In many ways I'm not who I was before cancer surgery and treatment. The brick wall I used to hide my emotions behind is badly cracked and full of holes. It's really easy to lose a few bricks if I'm not careful. Absorbing the emotions of others is nearly impossible, because it's dangerous for me, with my own darkness is too close.
So, I choose to be happy and productive on the job and work to the best of my current ability, and that's all I can do.
Anyway, dear reader. I'm still here.
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